And it's September...

Eh, well would you look at that, it's been a month. Lets have a catch up, shall we?

My therapist was on sabbatical leave for about four weeks from the end of July up until the end of August, so I haven't really had anything to post when it comes to therapy content. Right before she went on break, unfortunately my carer had been unwell, so I had a handful of sessions over zoom. Some of these I recorded, however, I haven't gotten around to editing them as they were quite heavy in regards to emotions/tears. I have to be in the right mood to listen back to those sessions sometimes, let alone clip them down and transcribe them. Today I was in the mood to work on one, however, Filmora (my editing software) had other plans. So after 6 hours of the program freezing, crashing, me trying to figure out what the problem is, I've given up and will likely have to re start the edit when I resume. I also have the idea in my mind that I have to do these session posts chronologically, so even though I have had 3 sessions since my therapist got back, I refuse to listen to them until I have sifted through the video sessions. My actual blogging is rusty.

New website layout though. That was a whole ordeal! I didn't want to look at wordpress for a solid 2 weeks after having had spent hours and hours figuring out how plugins work. Somehow I thought I could just click on things and be good at web design instantly... Fun fact, that's not how things work!

I have been doing some reading here and there, and I am probably in the middle of reading maybe four or five books. Some are ones I purchased at our local book shop recently, as we went there for coffee. I'm currently reading White Fragility, The Body Keeps the Score, Nurturing Resilience, Milk and Honey, and something else that I clearly haven't picked up in a few weeks given that I can't remember the title. I also have started writing a memoir. After having read through Stephani Foo's What My Bones Know, I was beyond inspired to start my own journey of writing about my story. I enjoy the concept of blogging, but I find I have far too much going on in my brain to write one (1) coherent piece. But I love sharing my journey, something of which I have explored in both video and text over the years. Imagine being a published author though, how cool would that be? Musings from my younger self there. There was a point in my childhood where I wanted to be an author, albeit for tales of the fiction variety, sharing my own story should be enough to make little me proud.

I'm enjoying the process so far. It's cathartic. I'm getting close to 50 pages. My aim is somewhere around the 300 mark. It's been a lot easier for me to write about the difficult times, rather than happy memories. Having to accept that people who made me smile at times could be shit humans, boggles my mind, and pains me to write about.

Writing has been keeping me busy, as I have the needed naps from sifting through memories in my mind to note down in my memoir. I was supposed to start an AUSLAN course about a month ago, however, it was run by distance learning through my hometowns TAFE and a collection of my younger parts had a full on breakdown an hour or so before class was due to start. The absolute dread I felt was dragging me back to where the csa occurred, and I don't think I'm at a point where I can just push through. So I dropped the course and decided to study in the new year semester because that's typically when local TAFEs start their courses. Because I was supposed to be studying, however, I had already organised with my therapist that once she gets back from Sabbatical, I'd be doing therapy once a week. Granted, it's the same amount of hours, it's still weird to be only going in one time.

I also have a new care worker! My previous one had to take personal leave, so I had to search for someone new. I hate getting to know new people, and the idea of picking the right person to help take care of my wellbeing was incredibly daunting. Miri helped me with some of the interviews, but the second half was on a day she was at work. Somehow, I didn't have a panic attack and managed to find someone that I mesh with. If you're reading this, hi! Lol.

So there's been a few changes in life since I last posted on here. I'm also collaborating with some friends on a forum/website thats being made for those with OSDDID and others sharing their experience with multiplicity. I've only been invited to join in the past 24hrs, but it seems really exciting, and I like the idea of working with others to provide resources. Not to mention, it'll probably encourage me to do some more reading for resources I want on my own site. I'm doing an interview with a friend/smaller creator on her Youtube channel soon. We will be talking about therapy and its impact on my healing journey as someone with DID. So I have a few things occuring at the moment that I'm excited about.